Approval? For What?

Chan Crawford
Mar 6, 2018
3 min read

So many of the decisions we make in life are based on different forms of approval. We want approval from our boss, our friends, our kids, our parents (still), our partners, and even our coworkers. We do things, so that we don’t look ‘radically’ different from the status quo. We don’t want to look like we aren’t sociable to our coworkers, like we aren’t proficient to our bosses, and like we aren’t responsible to our partners and kids.

Why do we seek such approval? …AND furthermore, how does it affect us?

//Story Time//

When I was in the military, I got in trouble a lot in the beginning. I have never responded well to authority because my parents treated me like a mini-adult for so long. Not in the ‘do whatever I want’, way, but in the ‘talk about what’s fair’, way. So anytime something didn’t make sense, I would question it.

Well unfortunately, they don’t like you to question things in the military. They just want you to do what you’re told, and that’s it. On of my supervisor’s LITERALLY told me I need to learn how to SHUT UP AND COLOR.

Well, that didn’t sit well with me, and I was constantly questioning and challenging the system. My coworkers wanted me to be a team player, by avoiding tension, and just going along with whatever happens. Well I wasn’t havin’ it. And I got in trouble…A LOT. I got so many write ups, child….you have no idea, lol!

//My Point//

I say all this to say, that my need for approval was at a very low threshold. I was called stand-offish, a non-team player, and difficult. If I wasn’t in the military, this attitude, definitely would have cost me my job.

On the other hand, I sought approval in other areas….like my marriage. I would deny parts of myself to maintain peace in the marriage, often confusing compromise with self-respect. I often went against my own beliefs and values, to hold onto a marriage that filled a deeply rooted void to BE ENOUGH.

//The Effects//

There were positive and negative effects to this.

Negative: My need for approval in my relationship, landed me in a life threatening position, tacked on with a bout of depression, and weight gain. It caused me to need life changing therapy, unexpected support, and a call on the main line to the Lord.

Positive: My lack of need for approval in the military, led me to a desire to follow my heart, so that I can do the work I love to do. If I needed approval in my career, I likely wouldn’t take the risks associated with becoming an entrepreneur. I would be stuck in a 9-5 job, that makes me miserable, dealing with people, I have little tolerance for.

//the Big Idea//

So the reason why I shared this with you all, is because I want you to look at your own tendencies to seek approval (or lack thereof). Is it negatively affecting your life? Is it something you should embrace, or get rid of?

It’s important to ask yourself these questions, because you don’t want to keep living a life you don’t want, just to meet the PERCEIVED APPROVAL of someone else. If you don’t need anybody’s approval, and it is threatening your well-being, you’ll need to meet the bare minimum of expectations, in order to maintain stability, and peace, until you can make the change you NEED TO, in order to live a life by no ONE else’s rules, but your own.

Make the choice. Adjust, and improve. Take Action. And LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!

Choose wisely, my loves!