Why We Stay Stuck...

What Keeps You Stuck?

There’s something else out there for you. There’s some other place you want to be. There’s some other relationship you want to have. There’s some other income level you want to reach. There’s some other country you want to visit. There’s some other place you want to live.

So why aren’t you there?

What keeps you stuck where you are?

I want you to ask yourself a few questions.

…and then I want you to answer them honestly. No, seriously. HONESTLY.

• What’s stopping you from getting what you want?

• What are you doing about that?

• What actions are you taking to get to where you want to be?

• If you aren’t taking any action, why not?

Here are some common reasons we stay stuck where we are, instead of moving toward what we WANT.

1// Fear of the Unknown

You have no idea how things will play out, if you go for what you want. You are comfortable where you are, because you know how things go, there. You know the daily routine. You know the people. You know the conditions. You know what’s coming (mostly).

If you were to make a change toward the desire you seek, you don’t know what things will look like. You don’t know if things will fall apart, or prosper. You don’t know if people will understand or support your decisions. You don’t know how long it will last. You don’t know anyone in this new place.

//Solution//

Before you got to where you actually are now, you didn’t know how things would turn out either. when you interviewed for the job you have now, you didn’t know if you would love it or hate it. You didn’t know if you would be stressed, or thrive under pressure.

So why is it that you took action to step into where you are now, but you won’t take action to step into where you WANT to be?

Was it out of necessity? Okay, so make this new place a necessity. Not a necessity? Unsure of how things might turn out. Start talking to people who ARE THERE, and get a better idea of what it’s like to be there.

*side note = no two people are the same. Someone else’s results are not an indication of your results. But the power of systems help us understand the likelihood of certain events. If you are unsure of how things might turn out, get around the people that do know and make yourself more comfortable with the possible outcome. Then accept that it might not happen that way, and GO!

2// Doubts

Doubt shows itself in two ways, when it comes to our belief in our ability to do anything. Doubt of self, and doubt from others. It’s unfortunate that the doubt we receive from others, is a large part of why we doubt ourselves.

But this is important to know.

If we don’t KNOW we can do something, we take a look around us, and validate our ability through others.

Questions like:

• Are people at my education level doing this?

• Do people in my family have the genes for this?

• Will my past mistakes predict my ability to do this?

Credit, debt, physical limitation, and the likes are more tangible excuses, but they are just that. EXCUSES. There are people, that find a way around these excuses, EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Why cant you?

If people without legs can figure out how to run…

If people that are thousands of dollars of debt can get out…

If people will learning disabilities can become doctors…

Why are you making an excuse for why you CAN’T do something? Whatever your doubts are, there is always a lie in there somewhere. Whether it is the lie you were told by others, or the lie you told yourself, you need to recognize that.

Anything you set your mind to, is possible. No matter how long it takes, or how hard it may be to achieve --if you really want something, you can get it. So why not drop the lies about your inability, and make it HAPPEN.

I’m not a big believer in excuses. I believe that excuses are opportunities for people to find more creative pathways to the same destination. So what new path will you form?

3// Fear of Success

I know this one sounds crazy, but I can attest to this fear. What do you even do with yourself, if you are actually successful at achieving what you want?

We like to work TOWARD something, because it tells us we are improving. We are taking action. We are doing something about our desires.

But as we see progress, we fall into traps of self-sabotage. We secretly and subconsciously are afraid of getting to the finish line.

If we spent 6 months training for a marathon, and we finally ran the marathon, we wonder what will our lives revolve around, now? This was a daily part of our lives, that we dedicated ourselves to, and felt good about the progress we continued to make.

Now that the goal has been accomplished, we don’t even know what to do with ourselves. Sure we could do it again, but then we wouldn’t be progressing.

A lot of us like to stay in this phase, because we feel good about ourselves, so long as we are working toward something. We are proud of ourselves for this. Although we would be even prouder to have completed the goal, we also wouldn’t know what’s next.

Furthermore, achieving success in certain things, may mean leaving behind other things we are comfortable with.

If we finally find a husband, we don’t know how to relate to our complaining single friends anymore, and can’t hang out with them like we did ‘back in the day’. So although we know we need to stop the behaviors that are comfortable, and keep us stuck, we hold onto those same behaviors, because we are still getting something from it.

Does that make sense?

The comfort of the way things are, can keep us where we are, because if we achieve –if we just so happen to be successful at the thing we WANT, that means we can’t go back to the way things were.

Sometimes people do, but for most of us, we think that once you hit the GOLD, you can’t collect coins. And you enjoy collecting coins, for some reason. We think we can’t do both, so we stay attached to NOW, and don't go for FUTURE because we are afraid of what comes with that success.

4 //Lack of Knowledge

A lot of us don’t know how to get to where we want to go. If we did, we’d probably be there. Outside of the three mind blocks, mentioned above, one other reason we don’t take action is that WE JUST DON’T KNOW.

Things sometimes feel so far out of our reach, that we don’t even attempt to attain the knowledge we need, to get there.

For instance, someone who has been stuck in poverty, their entire life –and has never seen anyone they know escape the cycle of poverty- might have no (perceived) hope of getting out.

Therefore, they won’t even seek information about how to escape it. They may hear of one person who got out of this cycle, but ‘these aren’t typical results’.

They may chop that down to pure luck, some special ability (they don’t have themselves), or a personal connection.

Certainly, this is impossible for the ‘average’ person (we tell ourselves).

//Solution//

With access to worldwide knowledge at our fingertips, ALL AROUND US, there is no reason why we shouldn’t be seeking answers. If we don’t know how, FIND IT.

There are numerous resources (AND FREE ONES) that can help us get to our destination. There are: free networks of interest, free internet options at the library, on your smartphone, google, coaches, counselors, other home owners, or CEOs, or promoted coworkers that we can ask questions to. We can ask…

HOW DO I GET AWAY FROM THIS PLACE I’M IN? HOW DID YOU? …then act.

That’s it folks. There is nothing holding you back than yourself. A limitation is only an opportunity for you to get creative.

Those who are creative about getting to their destination, are the ones who arrive. So, if you TRULY care about getting what you want out of life, you need to get creative and take action.

This is something I teach my clients, in almost every encounter. I always ask them to assess what their limitations or challenges might be, and to figure out how they will get around that, so they can move forward.

People come across a roadblock, and just give up. They stop there, and never find the GOLD on the other side of the wall, because they refused to consider jumping the wall, or knocking it down, or climbing under.

They just assumed the journey was over, and turned back around.

I don’t want this for you. I want you to get to your desired destination, no matter what obstacle you may have. So consider this, as you consider what you want out of life.

Now go get it!

With love and expectation,

Life Coach Chan

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