Conquering Fear

Chan Crawford
Nov 12, 2017
5 min read

Hey Fear...Thanks For Sharing

Can you actually recognize when you are afraid? I mean, not in those obvious situations, when someone is trying to rob you, or when your child takes a nasty fall, and breaks a leg. Are you able to recognize those fearful thoughts that creep up, when you are ready to quit your job and move on to the next phase in life? Are you able to recognize when you fear leaving a relationship that is no longer healthy for you?

Well, these are circumstances in life that can be a bit more difficult to recognize when fear exists. We become so good at hiding our fear, in seemingly rational excuses, for why we don’t want to do something, that we completely miss the fact that it is fear speaking to us.

Let’s take the example of leaving your job. You know that your job doesn’t value what you have to offer. Your coworkers gossip so much, you dread coming to work in such an immature environment. You get a 12 cent raise every year, even though you bust your ass and overachieve. You see your peers from college working other jobs that pay $5 more an hour, and you want to go for some of those jobs. Jobs that will recognize your work ethic, pay you for busting your behind, and give you the vacation time you deserve. But what is stopping you from applying from those jobs?

Do you lack confidence in your ability to sell yourself in an interview or on your resume? Do you think that you belong in your pay range, because that’s what you’ve been getting paid, for the last five years? Are you really just afraid of the unknown? What if more pay means more responsibility, and more stress? What if more pay, means more commitment? I mean your job isn’t that bad on most days. If only you could find a way to zone out when your coworkers gossip. If only you could come up with an awesome pitch for a decent raise, you’d be alright. Plus, you are getting along well. You can feed your family. You can pay all your bills. You get to drink a little here and there. You get to take care of yourself. It’s enough. Eh, why stress myself trying to get a job that pays more? You just don’t know if you want to make that kind of commitment.

These are the kinds of thoughts that surface when we are battling with subconscious fear. We find so many other reasons why we SHOULDN’T do that thing we would like, that fear never comes up as a possibility.

It took me quite a while to come to terms with my fear of success. I used to think I was afraid to fail, but I started to realize that my fear of success was much worse. I thought that if I was rewarded with something I desired, that soon after, something terrible would happen. I thought I didn’t deserve nice things, because I was so used to living with so little, as a child. I was so used to my parents living un-extravagantly (I know I made that word up), that I couldn’t begin to imagine what it would feel like to actually get the things I want. It was an uncomfortable feeling to have.

I realized this once when I got in a car accident a few years ago. My car had blown up in flames on the freeway, and someone amazing, had come to pull me out of my car to save me. I felt so grateful to have my life, that when it was time to get a new car, I started to feel guilty for wanting a nicer car than I had owned before. I also equated having nice things, without nice money, as irresponsible. I failed to understand how people that were making much less money than me, and driving much nicer cars, with new hair and new nails, every week, were getting by.

All these limiting thoughts came to mind, when I tried to talk myself out of getting a nicer car. I was able to afford one, and I was tired of the same car I had driven since I was 18. I worked hard in school, and I accomplished some kick ass things as an adult. I deserved a nice car, right? Well, eventually I talked myself into one. I bought it, and I literally felt sick to my stomach, as people flooded my new car with compliments. Oh, that car is so cute. It’s so you. All the attention I got from getting something I actually liked, made me feel guilty. I could afford it, yes. But was this a smart decision? Was this an unnecessary financial expense? Oh, I felt guilty for about a week, while driving in my new car. I actually cried, guys. And it wasn’t until that moment, that I realized I felt guilty about this because I didn’t feel like I deserved it. I was so used to believing I didn’t deserve nice things, I couldn’t even enjoy it.

This is how my thoughts about succeeding worked too. Succeeding is a reward within itself. For me, I thought I believed I was afraid to fail, but I was really afraid of success, because in the back of my mind, I believed I didn’t deserve it.

And this my friends, is how we sabotage things for ourselves. This is how fear, works its nasty little fingers into our brains, and into our subconscious. We think the reason is one thing, but the fact of the matter is, we simply are scared. We are afraid of what will happen if we get what we want. That’s it.

Do you know what the cure is? Acknowledging the fear, and doing it anyway. I’ve been pushed to do things that have scared me to the point of crying. Once I realized that it was just fear, I would just say it out loud. “I’m scared, but I’m gonna do it anyway”.

For some of us, it takes baby steps. For others, it takes a boost in self-esteem. Others need acceptance. Acceptance that no matter what we do, the outcome is not entirely within our control. But one thing we know for sure, is that whatever it is, that we want for ourselves, will NEVER happen, if we don’t at least try. I know it’s such a cliché, guys. But, it wouldn’t be a cliché, if it weren’t true.

So like Nike, lace it up, and JUST DO IT.